5 things keeping me afloat

Or, a listicle for when the writing muscle is weak and the world is on fire

1. HORSES (always)

   

   This wasn’t one of the rescue horses we took to Equine Affaire. This is a horse from the Whispering Pines Percheron team, but they are just. so. cool. Massive.

   First of all, I was so fortunate to volunteer with a great group of people at Equine Affaire, in Columbus, Ohio last week. According to its website, Equine Affair is
   ”The Nation's Premier Equine Exposition and Equestrian Gathering.” That may be, but what it was for me was a place to show up for rescue horses looking for a home. And, a place to meet up with new friends and buy a new, cute hat.

   

   New(ish) friends and a new hat. Plus, line dancing!

   Secondly, I’m participating in a competition called “Rider Wars,” over the next 100 days. This competition is new and runs concurrent with an event called the Appalachian Trainer Face Off. The goal of this new aspect of ATFO is to create better horse people: mo betta horse people, mo betta horse horse homes. Ya dig?
   
   So, expect a lot of horsey posts from me moving forward.
   

2. Nature
   
   Just this week, I saw a bunch of deer, an owl, an Eastern box turtle, a turkey, two bats, squirrels, a chipmunk, and a bunch of birds in our yard. Granted, our yard is four acres of woods, but it blows me away that we are surrounded by so much wildlife, along with so much interesting flora.

   

   

   I think I’ve said before, I resist taking the dogs for walks sometimes because I get comfortable at my desk. (Not so comfortable that I have an easy time writing, mind you.) But, every time I take them on a loop around our lot, I end up feeling awestruck and filled with gratitude. Probably, from the “bang for your buck” perspective of contentment, “nature” should be number one on this list… but horses are magic, and I don’t want to dethrone them.
   

3. Resistance
   
   The reason I find myself making lists of things that are keeping me afloat is… well, I’m sinking. I am full of despair for the state of our world. I think that we have failed to learn from our most important lessons and I am actively grieving, not necessarily the world we had, but the world we could have had.

   I try to understand opinions and beliefs that are different than mine, and I try to be respectful of the people who hold them. But, I am going to call out white supremacy, patriarchy, greed, cruelty, and the like. And, unfortunately, it’s on full display these days.
   

   
   So, while the dumpster fire that is this reality is doing its best to engulf me in its flames, the resistance that I’m seeing is giving me some much needed relief from the heat. I’m following accounts like Alt National Parks and trying to show up to communal spaces like protests, and the book club I belong to that thoughtfully selects books that are relevant at a time like this.
   

4. Meditation
   

   

   It’s hard to meditate when Mingo is using my cushion as a pillow, though.

   Ok, so this one is a little more aspirational than anything. It’s true that I’ve been doing guided meditations at night, which really means, turning on a recording of someone leading me through Yoga Nidra while I fall asleep. Still, I’m counting it.
   
   I started meditating fairly regularly about eighteen months ago, mostly using what was then the 10% Happier app. Now that

   Dan Harris
   has moved on from that app that he co-founded, I’ve broadened my meditation resources, while continuing to follow him as a subscriber of his Substack.
   
   I’ve slacked a bit on what had been a pretty regular daily practice, but I’m back at it this week with a gentle reminder to myself that it’s ok to “begin again.” I really believe that meditation is one of the best things I can do for my own sanity.
   

5. God
   

   

   
   
   So, maybe again, one could argue that God should top any and all lists that S/He is a part of. But, there’s also something to be said for saving the best for last, amirite? (And, also, please don’t focus on my use of pronouns here: God is bigger than any discussions of gender.)
   
   Anyway, I’ve had what can best be described as an on-again, off-again relationship with God lo these many years. But, even when it’s off, I find that I sure do talk to Him a lot. Almost every night since I was little, when I go to sleep, and every morning when I wake, I’ve talked to God.
   
   I pray every day, throughout the day. During the years when I wasn’t sure I believed, I still prayed. Maybe out of habit, maybe out of hope, maybe because there’s always been some thread—thin as it is sometimes—that ties me to something bigger than myself.
   
   I’ve never really been the kind of person who could describe exactly what I believe, but I’ve always believed something.

   
   The God I talk to is kind and present and stitched together from the best parts of every version I’ve known, especially Jesus. He never turned away the hurting or the flawed, lucky for us—he broke bread with the outcasts, comforted the sick, wept when his friends died. He wasn’t a braggart. He didn’t claw for power. He listened. He healed. He told the truth, even when it cost him everything.

   He was soft with the broken and sharp with the powerful. He didn’t shame people into change—he loved them into it.
   
   I pray for intercession from sweet Mary, a compassionate mothering presence I can lean on when I don’t have the answers and who, I believe with my whole heart, washed over me once when I was praying the Rosary, filling me with calm, and a deep feeling of being loved.
   
   And then again, there’s the hush of the woods, the miracle of the life teeming around me, the breath of a horse, the quiet in my own heart and mind when I pause long enough to notice it. It’s not doctrinal, but it’s real. And it’s what’s really keeping me afloat right now.
   
   I hope you are all finding ways to experience peace and joy, amid these difficult times, especially. It occurs to me that I may have already written a post very similar to this, but that’s a good lesson for me: I rely on lists, which I think the Buddha did, as well as all of my very best, overachieving friends, so I’m in good company. But, I’m sorry for the repeat and hope you’ll come back again!

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